David Herren

Addiction recovery is unfathomable to those who’ve never had to go through it. It’s even more staggering to think of pursuing recovery when you are also struggling from undiagnosed mental illness. Sadly, this is the real story for many who walk through the doors of Center for Change.

People with anxiety can take drugs that calm their mood, or people with depression can take drugs to temporarily elevate their spirit, but it can often be unsustainable. This is certainly the case for 55-year-old David, who for years treated his symptoms (mania, depression) of bipolar disorder with alcohol and opioids. Over the course of a decade, he would overdose and be transported for hospital care over a dozen times, growing more weary with each time. With his final dramatic overdose, he knew it was time, and with no small amount of patience and determination, together with the Center for Change team, has been clean for six years. Read on to hear his story in his own words:

I began using when I was a junior in high school, when a friend of mine gave me opioids to combat my growing bipolar disorder cycles. My addiction was manageable at first, and I was mostly just drinking heavily with occasional opioid usage to medicate my disorder. I didn’t go to my first treatment center until I was 25, at Valley Hope in Cushing, OK. I completed the program and almost immediately relapsed. I learned to make opioid tea, as the ingredients were easily accessed at this time, and this would be my drug of choice for the next few decades. This cycle would continue for the next almost 20 years of my life of struggling with my mental disorder, using heavily, then seeking out a new treatment center. Through this time, both my wife (married since 2000) and I continued to pursue our own careers, but my drug and alcohol usage was always present to keep my symptoms at bay. I finally received my bipolar diagnoses after a stay in the psych ward at St. Josephs, but by then everything felt bleak and heavy.

Even though the medications were helping, I would still experience serious depressive episodes, and it was hard to pass up the opiates as relief. The last hospitalization I had was in 2019, when I ended up taking a large bout of Ativan and muscle relaxants, which caused me to go into convulsions. My body and organs started shutting down, and I actually tore through the hospital restraints because of how hard I was convulsing. I remember feeling completely defeated when I woke up in the hospital bed the next morning.

I had been passively going to Center for Change for a while when Dr. Lakin assigned me to Judy Reusser as my counselor, and she was exactly the person I needed to get through. It took a year to mentally recover. I started doing daily breathing meditation, and it completely opened my world. I was calmer and could center myself when my head started racing. Center for Change and everyone who works there are such incredible resources.

I’ve been sober for 5 years, and I feel so much more relaxed, as I don’t live in constant fear of a relapse. My bipolar disorder feels so much more manageable. When you’re living in addiction, your world gets so small, but when you’re past your addiction, your world opens so much and so many opportunities come your way. Without the support and help of my wife, I simply wouldn’t be alive today. She never gave up on me, and I am truly grateful for that.